Sunday, June 5, 2011

It’s about who I am now...not about who I was then.

June 5, 2011

I ran into a teenage party buddy today. We didn't exactly part as friends, but we weren't enemies either. Because of her...I learned how to forgive. Well maybe I just learned that I am capable of forgiving. At 17 that is a valuable lesson. I blamed her for some things that went wrong in our shared house (with our boyfriends). We parted with me angry and resentful. Then I bumped into her a year or so later on the street and in an instant all the anger and resentment departed...I realized that I was only harming myself. She was still living the same kind of life as we did when we lived together and it made me sad...and glad that I had made the decision to not live that way anymore.  At that moment in time, I still had a long way to go to pull my head out of my ass, but seeing her that way was an important step in my recovery.  

I have thought of her often in the many years since and am grateful for the life lesson I learned through her. I have always wondered how things affected her...and if she knew how mad I was...I did not ask her today. I wasn’t ready to go there, but we “clicked” and I will be seeing her again, and I will get a chance to ask her.  I told her about the journey I am embarking on and I have a feeling that she has a part to play in my journey.

She does Chakra balancing, and our discussion during the massage she was giving me (yes, she was giving me a massage because my regular guy was off and she was randomly assigned) leads me to believe some Chakra work might be a worth a shot.  I never believed in this stuff before, but I don’t believe in coincidences either, so I’m going to give it a try.